I'm Better!!! With Menstration Frustration!

OMG I can't believe it's been TWO WEEKS since the last post, which marked the beginning of a veryyyy strrrange journey for me. Two words: Allergic Reaction. My last post was kind of prophetic or incredibly naive... I really am not quite sure at this point. I can tell you that my spirit has not been broken, if anything, it has been revived to a new level in which I am incredibly happy and content with life. I feel like I have traversed the depths of endless time and pain only to find no time at all has passed and the scars I am left with are changing every day. Is that What Dreams May Come enough for you?????????????????? Basically, what I thought was a pretty mild scratch from some stupid plant or something turned out to be some sort of unknown debilitating Smog Thrasher and I guess also some kind of spider bite or something... and I got really sick and then had to take a shitload of medication (which obviously I feel very strongly about [read:against] but it fuckin worked) and now all of the fucked up skin is just like peeling off leaving normal skin underneath... I have a bunch of pictures that I feel really weird about sharing because they are really freaking gross and all that. So I'm not gonna share them. But it's been very bizarre and crazy. A little unbelievable actually. Hey, if you don't believe me, I can show you some really disgusting photos!!!!! My whole mantra for the last 3 weeks of life has been "I'm really fucking happy and nothing is going to bring me down" and it's worked pretty well. I haven't been this happy in a while, despite living life in the quarantine zone all dosed up on a bunch of scripts. I think it's actually a pretty significant sign of some amount of inner peace for me to have not been more miserable during this whole ordeal. It was miserable but I am not so... whatever. Growth and all that.

Echoing my last post, the only thing I really regret is that I have now lost the last 3 Tuesdays... 3 Snack N Crafts that will never happen... but don't worry all you charming lady people! Next Tuesday night starting around 7pm, TUESDAY SNACK N CRAFT is on... I'm hoping I can use the time to spend more time with my lady friends that are often social or romantic or internet butterflies that flit around all beautiful and far away, also to work on arts and crafts projects that get left in the dust, and experiment with tasty homemade snack platters!!! I will have snacks and drinks but you could bring something if you wanted. Also I will have lots of artsy and crafty stuff for people to do, but you could bring your own project over too, or if you have a skill or technique, I would love to learn it! You could also bring a friend if you wanted :) Everyone welcome, and it's at my house, Casa de Smog and it's every Tuesday night so you don't even have to ask. Except tonight. Don't come tonight. I only have greek yogurt and kashi and not even enough to share. *SAD FACE*

I do have one mini rant to go on tonight though before I go. So while I was sick the last two weeks, I of course got my period. But since I didn't know (and still don't really know) what caused the allergic reaction-- for those of you at home that aren't following along at home, my allergic reaction wasn't really as cute and romantic as Bill's in Freaks and Geeks... it was just like really gross horrible painfully painful itchy blisters and pain-- I was terrified of touching anything (yes I'm still living in fear actually even though it's basically gone). Because some plant got me and then I was like possibly getting this plant oil on my skin and contamination and continued allergic reaction contact dermatitis etc etc etc... have to be careful touching anything so you don't pass the oil onto anything else... SO this month I didn't use my DivaCup (out of fear... nay, TERROR)  for the first time in a long time. Years and years and years and years. But I was like, well there's no way in hell I'm using a freaking GD maxi pad for 5-7 days. So begins my rant. Now, I remember tampons. I remember being 16, 17, 18, 19 using tampons. Tampax. Cardboard applicator. Big cigar cotton looking thing. Got all battered in your bag. Yeah, I know the things. Well I haven't bought a fucking tampon since probably 2003. Let me tell you. These fuckers are damn expensive. $7 for 18... that's $7 I literally flushed down the toilet. And if you're supposed to be plugging yourself up 3-4 times a day for a week... you're gonna need a bigger box. Also, I guess they still make tampax with the cardboard but I was already jacked up on medications and as I stumbled down that aisle in CVS, feeling like Rachel McAdams in The Hot Chick getting tampons.... I can honestly say I was a little overwhelmed. The stupid boxes tampons come in.The incredibly stupid marketing techniques. The product itself... What the hell is wrong with the people that make this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU TAMPON MANUFACTURERS!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO CEASE AND DESIST!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay so the one I end up buying is this shitty kotex one (I couldn't buy tampax, I just couldn't shell out the money and I wasn't gonna even think about risking getting caught lifting TAMPAX... that's even worse that getting arrested for playing frisbee) which I realize is just as evil as tampax but yet it seemed somewhat safer than the bottom shelf cotton-poly blend I'm sure CVS was offering... like I said, I was overwhelmed. Well I couldn't have made a worse decision. It was a nightmare right from the beginning... I'm gonna google image this crap so I can show you exactly what I mean...


The Kotex U.... the tampon where U do all the work... Do you see up there in really inconspicuous, easily over-looked lettering where it says "CLICK"... well it says that because you literally have to assemble the applicator (I.E. LAUNCHING DEVICE HOLY CRAP)  yes that's right after wasting 3 of them sitting there in an anti-histamine induced stupor I finally stopped and read the instructions (My inner dialogue was something along the lines of 'this isn't working like it is supposed to what am i doing wrong holy crap where am i')... you have to pull that plastic thing all the way out, until it clicks (is that supposed to be clever merchandising?) and then, just when you thought it couldn't creep you out any more than that... check out the claw head on this mother!!!!! WHO THE FUCK INVENTED THIS APPLICATOR AND WHY  ARE THEY ALLOWED TO SELL THIS ... I guess the name Kotex Claw just couldn't sell the way the Kotex U CLICK has sold... a few minutes later and I still cannot find a good picture of it on google image, so I took a really crappy photo right now of one... check out this horrible claw business!!!

You can't really tell that well, but the chances are high you've already experienced the evil claw tip applicator, so you know for yourself.... this thing has got some scary fucking sharp pointy fingernails on it!!!! It blossoms like a painfully sharp evil claw, releasing a fat little dry wad of cotton that, used or not, resembles a dead mouse... why do they have to give it a tail. Why do they have to give it a claw. Why does it have to be so freaking absorbant. Why is it so clinically phallic. Why does it say on the box, "IS PMS A MYTH??? Turn box over to find out!!!!!" to which the answer is, of course not, PMS is not a myth it is real but in a real typical display of American headline-mentality, it reads like this: "PMS IS A MYTH!!!!! THIS COSTS $7 AND ITS ONLY HALF ASSEMBLED AND A BIG WASTE OF TIME, MONEY, AND BODILY FLUIDS!!!!!" At some point in that last paragraph, I lost control of my use of sarcasm. Since I'm not quite sure how to remedy that, I will just leave you with a picture of the Diva Cup. Hopefully this makes you feel better, as it makes me feel better. :)







So it's been a real pleasure ranting at you for the last hour or so... I hope you have all enjoyed this time together as much as I have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously though, I hope to see you (even if you happen to live really far away and there's no way in hell you could make it) next Tuesday at Snack N Craft!!!!!

Be well, stay cool, all that jazz.
Love,
Smog a.k.a. It's Not Contagious I Swear I Think No Not Really But Seriously